“Dudes in the Hood Be Acting Up & These Females Be Letting Them” – Getting Respect Where You Live

I'esha GaptoothDiva discusses the lack of respect for women in the hood

If I didn’t eventually write about this, I would not only be doing most of you a disservice, but I wouldn’t be keeping it real for myself. I know many of you probably won’t understand why I keep trying to encourage people to stop acting as if they don’t “give a f**k”, but it’s my hope that every day, even one person will be positively affected. We have to do better, we must. Socially, some of us have become so repugnant (unacceptable) that even if you live in the hood, projects, and or ghetto, it’s not something that you would want announced to the world. Some of us can’t shop where we live, bring our kids to the playground, or even participate in activities that are supposed to bring us together. We have developed a somewhat shameful view on the people that live amongst us, because some of us have given up on the idea that people can and will do better.

Earlier last week, we faced an extreme example of how real “n***a ish” goes wrong. While shopping for groceries in a local store, I was approached by two guys in line. One of the guys was standing really close behind me holding his crotch, while whispering, “hey girl, yo shawty” and some other unspecified titles. When I turned around and saw that he was holding himself, I looked at him and I rolled my eyes. Upset and taking my eye-rolling as a sign of rejection, he continued to bait me, “Hey girl, you hear me talking to you? Is your hair gold or something? Hey shawty…” I looked back at him again, this time I rolled my eyes even harder and let out a grunt of “eewww!” I was hoping that he got the point and kept it moving, I moved up in the line. The two guys behind me were apparently offended. So to make matters worse, they started talking mess. “You b**chez be mean!” he said, while his friend laughed at his comment. Both of them reeked of marijuana and they obviously came in the store to quench their hunger. However, talking to me showed that thirst was also evident in them as well. I turned around quickly looking the man straight in the eye, “What did you say?” I asked. He repeated his comment to me adding, “I’m just saying, if a n***a talking to you, trying to give you some attention, bitch act like you know.”

Offended by his vulgar language and his assumption that talking to me was ok, especially like that, I immediately called my husband into the store. My husband was sitting in the car waiting for me, but he knows if I call his phone, it’s not to ask what else you want, it’s my bat signal. That’s my way of letting him know, someone is bringing me to a point that I’m about to act a fool, so he needs to come and evaluate the situation. When I hung up, the two guys were upset. He was ranting and raving, obviously intimated by the fact that he didn’t know who or what was about to come inside the store. So instead of trying to clear it up, one guy immediately went into a rant, “These n***as don’t want none! They coming in here to see this pistol (but never revealed his gun), you calling n***as in here to get lit up, bitch!” I let him rant, explaining that I am a woman of God, not the type to let you talk crazy to me and disrespect me. You could see in his face, that he regretted his move, but he held on to the “bout it” persona to save face in front of everyone. Needless to say, after my husband walked into the store, with all of his 6 ft. and 4 inches tall and approximately 350 lbs by now frame, the two guys wanted to talk things out. After a brief ranting about not having any beef with my husband, the dude apologized and explained that he understood, because (catch this) he also has a wife, and wouldn’t want someone to disrespect her. Smh. The irony.

I'esha GaptoothDiva discusses the lack of respect for women in the hood

I don’t know why it had to come to intimidation in order for this man and his friend to show respect. This made me angry because it shouldn’t have happened. What are the women in this neighborhood letting men say to them, that this could happen to me? It was apparent that the guys in the area are lacking respect for regular women in stores, on the street, who are minding their business and not asking for their unsolicited attention. Yet, in still I hear shawty, bea, sweetie, yo girl, and bitch more than a woman should from men that she has never met. This wasn’t the first occurrence of events like this, and staying here I’m sure it won’t be the last. I can’t even go to the store nowadays, without being called out of my name, because I’m not willing to just smile the disrespect away.

The question arise…

Why do we keep letting these dudes disrespect us?

People are going to say that you are acting funny, you think you’re all that, and you stuck up, but so what! When you value yourself, there are things that should not happen around you and to you. People need you to learn that around you, certain mess just will not go down. For those that don’t know you, should learn that by you correcting behavior, that you’re not the one. It doesn’t have to be confrontational or intimidating like my example with my husband, but a firm gesture or comment stating that you don’t tolerate certain things can make all the difference. Now if you don’t mind guys talking to you any kind of way or people disrespecting you, then by all means ignore the following. I’m talking to women with potential, the ones that value themselves and have a self-worth that can’t be denied. These are the ones that will follow this advice.

  • Don’t answer to the name “Bitch”. That is not your name. Stop calling yourself that, stop calling your friends that to other people. Most importantly, men will use this to get you upset… it works. But don’t respond to it. Tell him that you are a child of God and the fact that he called you that just proves how quickly his trip to hell will be… no I’m just kidding, but you feel. That’s not your name.


  • Only silly girls thirsty for attention will laugh off a man disrespecting her for the amusement of other men. It doesn’t make a cool chick or a “down ass b*tch”, it makes you a silly thirsty little girl or childish woman, it’s your choice.


  • The less clothes you wear, the more people will stare. Don’t get mad at people looking at you. You were bold enough to come of the house like that, then deal with it. However, that gives no one the permission to touch you and that is a huge difference. Even if you are completely naked, I still believe that every person deserves respect. Half naked doesn’t equal slut, but you can’t stop people from thinking it.


  • Stop answering and smiling at every basic dude that ask for your attention. These men can smell a woman with daddy issues, baby daddy issues, self-esteem problems and loneliness. If you give attention to every wrong dude out here, you keep the right dude from coming forward. Be selective, there is nothing wrong with having standards.


  • If someone can spark a cigarette or blunt in front of you or your children without asking if it’s cool, they are an asshole. Period! Those type of people don’t care about you or your kids. Steer clear.


It all boils down to realizing that I may be the only female within a five mile radius of where I live that actively chooses to only accept respect and cordially appropriate gestures and remarks. I can’t tolerate any one speaking to me out on the street as if they know me and I’m ok with the disrespect. I don’t know who is going around letting people talk to them recklessly, but these dudes are seriously acting up around here. The truth is, I’m not about to let them. I feel like a fabulous fashion forward version of Damon Wayan’s “Blankman”, fighting ratchetness one day at a time.

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I'esha Hornes

Author, Lifestyle Blogger, Model, & Vintage/Thrift Stylist. Motivating unique individuals to love their flaws and still rock an awesome life. Through Fashion, Culture, Entertainment, and Personal Experience, I love to inspire others & make people laugh. Mother of two awesome superheroes, wife to Mr. Incredible, & a mentor to those looking to learn to love themselves. I am the Baddest Creative Motivation!

1 Comment
  • Lakeisha
    May 10, 2016

    I’m 23 and I had never experienced catcalling until about a year ago. I didn’t know the extent to which men would go to get the attention of a woman, only heard about it. At first, I’ll admit I was flattered. But over time it’s gotten increasingly annoying. It’s gotten to the point where I automatically avoid eye contact with any male in public because I know some of them perceive that as a mating call or approval to talk to me. I know what’s good for me and these guys certainly aren’t!

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