How to Be a Fabulous Mother to All Boys
I’m the type of woman who loves pink, won’t hesitate to buy makeup and a nice pair of heels, and I’m a proud admitted Beyoncé Stan. Point Blank! I’m a girly girl to the tenth degree, but don’t put me in a box because I do like the rough, gritty guys in my life, I’m just not about to break a nail to keep up with them. So while I was laying on the ultrasound table, listening to the nurse inform me that God chose to bless me with yet another boy child (this will be my third), I was thinking to myself “How to Be A Fabulous Mother To All Boys”.
In my life I know a handful of women who are the mothers to all boys, or mostly boys. I wouldn’t say these women are the shining examples of “fabulousity” or “diva”, at least not my level of it anyway. It’s not shade at all, when I say that I love to get dolled up, I enjoy the pink and pretty things, and my playlist although lately has been riddled with trap music (don’t judge me), has and always will be filled with the divas of the microphone. I got by with two boys and the slight glimmer of hope that this child was a girl. I was even calling my tiny fetus “she” and “her” when in conversation, just certain that I couldn’t be having another boy…. Again. However, thoughts of looking tired and worn out plagued my mind, when she said “It’s a boy!” I immediately thought about that bitter mother-in-law, we all know and love. My mind raced to that mom who doesn’t dress up, unless it’s at funerals or weddings, because the parenting of all boys made her forget that she was in fact a lady underneath her son’s sweatpants and her man’s t-shirts. I thought about buying $200 sneakers times 3, in about four years because boys grow up big and fast, making it almost impossible for me to afford a manicure full-set, a bottle of foundation, or even a box of tampons. I nearly lost my mind!
I had dreams of ballet recitals and girls night out. I had visions of helping my princess with her wedding, whispering about the boys she liked at school, and one day being by her side when she had her first child. When I found out that this beautiful blessing inside of me was in fact my son and not my daughter, I felt like a stop watch had started. I felt like I had but only a certain amount of time to do the most I could as a mother, before some young beautiful and hopefully intelligent woman snatched him right up from out of my arms to make her a wife. At least that’s the guilt that ached deep down from being that woman before. It seems like sons aren’t yours anymore, once they marry. It’s almost as if you spend 18 years coaching him and training him to be the best man society has ever saw, for someone else to reap the reward and charm him away. If you’re lucky, he’ll take care of you until you die, granted that his wife likes you enough. OMG! I have to get along with three separate young women now. Sigh! The mothers to all boys that I know, make that seem as if it’s the hardest thing to do in life, right next to putting on a pair of heels.
I don’t want to be like them (I swear it’s no shade). All I’m saying is that having a house full of boys, shouldn’t change me into this mean woman (who doesn’t like young girls), who doesn’t dress up or look amazing ever, and who always has a hard time keeping a man. Nevertheless, these are the examples I have around me, and I’m determined to not allow this to affect my life. In the past few days, I’ve been learning how to deal with being a fabulous mother to a house full of guys. I’ve been praying for strength and I’ve accepted that my womb makes Kings. God must have felt that I was woman, girl, and female enough that I didn’t need a smaller version of myself. Besides, at least I won’t have to worry about anyone playing in my makeup, shoes, clothes, handbags, or hair as they get older, “growner”, and develop that “diva” attitude that I developed around my teens. The Lord knew what he was doing, now it’s up to me to figure out what I’m going to do.
A photo posted by I’esha GaptoothDiva (@gaptoothdiva) on
Below, I will list a few tips on How to Be a Fabulous Mother to All Boys, for those going through my same struggle. It’s going to be ok, if we don’t forget who we are and why we were blessed with all of these soon to be men, in the first place.
Take Time for Yourself –
Always remember to take care of yourself and to get some me time. Being in the house with the boys for too long, will drive me crazy. I have to remind myself that my estrogen levels need a boost, so I take myself out of the house, leave these little monsters with their Dad, and go get my nails done, or have girl time with my sister or a friend. I can’t take all that boy talk all day, let’s get rough and play fight, mommy I got a scar, booger, or fart conversation. If I don’t get out and take care of myself, I won’t be a friendly mom, and they deserve a friendly mom. Besides, because I don’t have girls at home (it’s only me), being among female energy is rejuvenating and healthy for my mind. Women listen, they are more compassionate, and they can relate to you. Be mindful that being cooped up with the guys, isn’t going to grow your spirit as a woman, and you need that time to stretch out and be the fabulous Queen that you are.
Be the Type of Woman You Want Them to Bring Home –
It’s important that I look good, smell good, keep myself clean, cook, clean the house, speak like a lady, know the Lord, and not act a fool. Why? Because I have little boys watching me all the time, and when they grow up, will eventually start to look towards women they desire. I don’t know why I said when they grow up, because my 8 year old is already there, but I digress. My actions and my behavior speak volumes without me having to say anything. If I know how to act like a strong, intelligent, woman of substance, than I expect you to bring home the same. If I act like a ratchet hot mess of a woman, different man friends running around, drinking, smoking, clothes looking dirty and hair not too far behind, with nothing but curse words and negativity coming out of my mouth, then I can’t trip if the young ladies bidding for my last name and my sons acts the same. We have to be examples of the type of woman that is fit for your child. My husband would always say to me, my mother never did this or never said that, and it broke my heart. He knew what he wanted to see out of a woman, but wasn’t always provided an example of what that looked like. Thankfully, I learned as I matured how to be virtuous and a help-mate to my spouse, but I held on to that thought having boys of my own. They will never have to worry about feeling like their mother never looked nice, never sought knowledge and culture, never required certain things from the men around her, carried herself a certain way, etc. So when they find their Queen, they will be fit and ready to give their hand to the right woman, and not just some woman right now.
Yes, You Are the Queen (ACT ACCORDINGLY) –
In my house, the men clean up after themselves. I’m tired of the toilet seat being up all the time, like I’m not even here, and sports, boxing, and play fighting isn’t an all-day everyday thing. I teach my sons how to cook, clean, take care of themselves, groom, and whatever else I can to ensure that they can someday be Kings, not “momma’s boys”. When they grow up and decide to marry, it will be because they wanted to, not because they felt like they had to…. To survive. It’s a shame how many mothers will teach their daughters how to cook, clean, and do some hair, but their sons sit around playing video games and watching cartoons, like they are just going to be boys their whole life. I am Queen in my house, and you must learn how to defend the castle, if called upon, or if I get sick or Daddy has to work late, whichever comes first. I’m not on some Mama Dee rampage when I say “I’m Queen”, but c’mon. I expect these boys to know by the time they are old enough to step out into the world that you are expected to do certain things. My sons’ open doors for ladies, pull chairs, out, compliment and show courtesy. My sons say please and thank you, hello and goodbye, they help those in need and they don’t ask strangers for anything. I prepare them for life as young black men, because I’m not going to let society do it for me. I can’t control what happens to them, but I can help in encouraging them on how to react to it and how to always be a gentlemen no matter what. I don’t care if other people aren’t doing it, I often say. I don’t expect as awesome as my sons are, other people will have the same opportunities, either. Hello?!! I dress for the job I want, not the job I got, so if raising my sons like up and coming royalty is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Your Sons Are Not Your Man –
This is probably my biggest fear. Since I was little, all I saw were women who treated their sons like their husband, expecting them to be there for them all the time, no matter what. I saw women get bitter at the son’s girlfriends, being nasty and mean to them, as if the young lady was stealing your man right out of the bed next to you. These women, although blessed to have a house full of boys, rarely ever kept a man of their own. They often had relationship issues and were alone, talking about everyone and their business because apparently they were so miserable. I cried recently, praying I don’t end up like those women, thinking that having another boy would predispose me to the same fate. It always seemed as if women like this believed that their sons would always love them no matter how they were, how they acted, or what they did. However, most of the time the sons would run off, one way or another, into the street, into trouble, into the army, or into someone else’s arms. I never really had an example of a woman with all boys, who held it together, took care of herself and her children, and didn’t come with some level of drama or turmoil always surrounding her. It’s often because eventually these women I know almost seemed to have given up in some way, and I don’t ever want to be like that. Having sons doesn’t mean I can just throw in the towel on my feminism, my right to be treated like a Queen, or my strength to be a beautiful, intellectual woman who loves God. My sons are not my man, and having a man or not doesn’t alter how I should carry myself as a woman. So instead of being afraid of being like these examples I know, I vow to use those examples of what not to do. I vow to love my sons as my sons, and teach them the way to go when they become men. Being with someone in a relationship, should never impact that decision ever, and nor will it.
Overall, I’m pretty excited about our new baby coming. We decided to name him Jaxyn Samuel Love Hornes, after our favorite on-screen personality. The only man, that can curse someone out and make it sound like it came straight out the bible. Just Kidding! No really, my husband and I are huge fans of Samuel L. Jackson, and thought of no better way to commemorate this moment with random quotes, from the King of the silver screen.
I was quoted as saying (during my random hormonal fits) …“I’m tired of these Mutherf**kin boys, in this Mutherf**kin house!” *Samuel L. Jackson Voice* Click To Tweet
… and it kinds stuck from there.
We don’t know why, but we all really love the name Jaxyn Samuel Love Hornes. Also, many people don’t know, but Samuel means either “name of God” or “God has heard” which fits perfectly in our situation, as I specifically asked for a girl, but God said “You know you don’t tell ME what to do, right?!!” So I know He heard me, he just did what He wanted to do. The “Love” as Jax’s middle name is Love instead of Leroy (Samuel L. Jackson’s middle name) because I’m not naming my child no Leroy in 2016, that’s crazy! LOL! Besides I need him to know regardless of the fact that I called him “she” for the first 5 months of his life inside of me, I did love him and promise to love him until the day I die.
Now that I broke it down. We are so blessed and I’m thankful for all the love and support from our friends and family. Please don’t ask me about trying again for a girl, unless you are volunteering your uterus, ovaries, and belly for the job. Thank you in advance! Can’t wait for May 2016, when Jax can see the world! Xoxo.