Sexy Married Black Woman, You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself

GaptoothDiva discuss the controversy with being a Sexy Married Black Woman

In the day to day life of a mother and wife, people assume its chock full of diaper changes, dinner preparation, and tending to the needs of the family. The close-minded and often ill-informed like to believe that the idea of “married with children” is very similar to the old television program of the same name, more miserable mean comments than positive times. In some marriages perhaps that’s true, however I find myself lucky enough to not be in that situation. I’m a young African American woman in her late twenties, married for ten years with my high school sweetheart and the mother of two beautiful boys. I left a corporate position with the city to work for myself, and I’m a proud and successful entrepreneur with a growing business. The concept of me being “Ms. Suzie Homemaker” is but a distant inconceivable notion in my mind. I do cook the meals in my home, I do take care of my sons, and of course I like to maintain a clean house. Nevertheless, in no way does my life feel like a nightmare of mediocre proportions that I settled for in some random haste to avoid being lonely. That is what some lonely single people would like to believe.

The funny thing is there are a lot of people who agree with these misconceptions. I saw post after post online about Beyonce’s Grammy performance, and how she was supposedly “overly sexual”. I also saw post months back talking about Meagan Good, who is married to a pastor, dressing and appearing provocative in the public eye. In a time where sex, implied nudity, and the tradition of “twerking”, these were the last people I would have thought would be the target of negative backlash for being “overly sexy or sexual”.  Beyonce, a new mother and married woman released an her new album where she celebrated her sexuality, her confidence and her love for herself and her husband. Meagan Good has always been that black actress “It Girl” who exemplified sexiness and the proverbial “black girl next door” image. If anything, I would think that these were examples of having your ish together.

Who says that you can’t be desirable and have a family? Who says that you can’t publicly display your feelings for husband, especially since you’re his legitimate wife and the mother of his child? I think people have gotten the game all mixed up. While we all flock to our televisions to watch Olivia (Scandal) and Mary Jane (Being Mary Jane) and enjoy their stories of being with married men… no shade. Please remember that every wife isn’t boxed into a category of being that nagging, loveless, b*tch that a man needs to escape from. Some of us like to keep excitement in the relationship, flirt, do all the sensual and romantic things that excite our husbands and ourselves, and still master our goals and ambitions. We aren’t all living off the work of our man and standing on the sidelines just cheering him on, as it’s often depicted. Some of us are building empires for the family while juggling the extremely blessed/challenging task of raising responsible individuals and maintaining a love and business relationship with another person.

Anyone that wants to make the life of a mother and wife seem tedious, is just mad at their own situation. I wake up with love right in my face, whether it’s my husband or one of my two sons. I’m driven constantly by the dream that these three people will never NEED while I am still able. I’m in love with someone that I actually like and enjoy. I also have confidence within myself and love to look like how I feel. So if being judged for this is my fate, for public displays of affection, for going hard for my family, and celebrating my body, then just charge me with being a sexy married black woman. I was blessed with a good man, but it doesn’t mean that I have to cover up and hide. I want to feel just as sexy now as I did when he chose me to be his wife. I want my son’s to be proud of their mother, not embarrassed that I came out of the house. I also want to represent, for all the young mothers trying to hold the house down and make something of themselves. You can take care of you as well. These opinionated single people don’t know what they are missing, but seem to have all the thoughts in the world about how the married with children are missing out. Chile, please! I have it all, and still trying to go after more. I will never let some partying, bed and bar hopping, lonely person who uses printed certificates and pats on the back as their warmth through the cold lonely nights tell me I don’t have a blessed life. Being married with children is amazing. Add sexy, ambitious, hard-working, driven, and talented to the mix and you have a force to be reckoned with, my dears.

Instead of saying what a married woman with a child shouldn’t be doing, some people should just worry about what they aren’t doing. The truth is, when you have this kind of life, husband, children, and business, you don’t have time to dictate to people what others are doing with their time. It sounds like there are some serious voids that need to be filled. I’m just saying. I feel pretty exceptional, and I say that humbly. It takes the grace of God to help you accomplish your dreams and still maintain a marriage and a household with someone you love. It’s a selfless lifestyle to provide for others, often when you don’t have the energy to sometimes provide for yourself. Yet, we still get the job done. To celebrate this work, we slay daily. Face beat, beautifully snatched and immaculate for the gods. Only average people would believe that this life is average and just settling. That’s why I can’t with people who don’t respect the role of a wife and a mother. All love to the single people who choose to not have children or get married but don’t dismiss the lifestyle of the rest of us, this isn’t referring to you. This refers to those people who think that because they have no children and are not married, that this somehow makes them superior to other people. Like the concept of someone choosing to leave nothing, no legacy from their life that they spend alone living, makes them much more trendy and chic than the rest of us. People with that mentality, just aren’t on my level.

So as I continue to be sexy, bold, and outspoken with my awesome husband and my rock star children, I will not let the opinions of naysayers faze me. You can be sexy, beautiful, confident, and hard-working while being married with children. Yes, it a lot of responsibility and it’s a challenge sometimes, but “to whom much is due, much is required”. Don’t place us in a box, filled with turtlenecks and ponchos. We don’t need to be covered and basic, because of our titles in life. We deserve to show the world how much we love our husbands, especially with single chicks so ready and willing to creep into your world. The title of wife and mother, doesn’t mean that we can no longer be desirable, sexy, or bold. If anything, I firmly believe that many women who are married, should try to learn something. As a wife and mother, sometimes you need to keep things exciting, fresh, and unpredictable. Those that think otherwise, can take several seats. What?


What do you think? Can You Be A Exceptional Sexy Wife and Mother?

I'esha Hornes

Author, Lifestyle Blogger, Model, & Vintage/Thrift Stylist. Motivating unique individuals to love their flaws and still rock an awesome life. Through Fashion, Culture, Entertainment, and Personal Experience, I love to inspire others & make people laugh. Mother of two awesome superheroes, wife to Mr. Incredible, & a mentor to those looking to learn to love themselves. I am the Baddest Creative Motivation!

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