Why You Need To Go Offline To Enjoy Your Birth Experience
It’s officially been five weeks since the birth of our third son, Jaxyn Samuel Love Hornes. For little over a month as we got to know our beautiful new child, I learned why it’s important to spend some time offline to enjoy my birth experience. I needed to spend some quality time adjusting to having a little baby around the house, balancing motherhood with three different boys, and recovering from a huge C-section that nearly drained me of all the blood in my body. It was difficult, not only keeping myself from enjoying social media, but also getting on my feet after the hospital stay. It’s only by the Grace of God that I was able to build up the courage and energy to resume life as normal. It wasn’t easy for me or my family. However, thankfully with the help of some other amazing people, I finally feel well enough to get back to the old “I’esha”, or rather a new or improved version of myself.
Jaxyn Was Born
From the moment we arrived at the hospital, everyone was so amazing. I tend to get really silly when I’m nervous, and despite going through this two other times before, my nervous jitters never subsided. I waited since September 2015 to see this new baby. I waited so long to not only hold our new son but to also get rid of the pregnant belly that has been holding me down for so long. It was extremely early in the morning on May 20th, so everyone was running around extremely busy at work because several other mothers were delivering the same day. I got the chance to wait just a little while longer, due to a surprise delivery right before I was scheduled to go to the operating room. Nevertheless, the nurses were so pleasant to me, cracking jokes and making me feel at ease. During that time, I was struggling with anxiety and worry, but they were vigilant in every effort to make me comfortable. I appreciate their kindness so much.
During the C-section, I was faced with a few challenges that left me both weak and in pain. One of the challenges was the fact that the baby was already in my birth canal, trying to come out. However, I’ve never had a vaginal birth and that’s not in my birth plan, so the Doctors had to remove the baby from my birth canal and pull him out of my stomach through a rather small slit that was cut on my pubic bone. Apparently, this was not as easy as everyone thought it would be, so I lost a lot of blood on the operating table. Because my iron level was so low and I lost so much blood, I ended up needing a blood transfusion before being able to return home. Also, since Jaxyn decided to come out the wrong way (according to my birth plan), the staff was forced to remove the baby from my stomach using a vacuum. The strong vacuum pressure gave our baby a temporary Subgaleal hematoma, which caused two swollen knots on his skull. These two huge knots have just gone down recently, but they honestly scared the crap out of Hubs and me when we first saw them. Our son, whose last name is Hornes, literally looked as if he had two horns coming from the top of his head. We laughed about it a few times, but it didn’t entirely sit right with me until now.
While in the hospital, I was struggling to breastfeed Jaxyn and recover from the surgery at the same time. This was very difficult, and I felt myself getting more and more frustrated. Since postpartum depression was an issue during my last childbirth with Dash (3), everyone thought it would be better to proactively strike the possibility of depression with antidepressant medication and counseling. Between the depression, the pain, and my hormones attempting to get back on track, I needed comfort and compassion as much as water and air. Nothing made me happier to know that any questions or concerns I had were answered. I felt supported and I really needed that, because I knew that when I got home it would be on me to be the best mother I could be. So as the hospital was our home away from home for four days, the assistance and care I received were above and beyond incredible considering everything I was going through.
Special Thanks to The Following Staff Members of St. Mary’s Hospital
These individuals went above and beyond to help me recover and get comfortable from day one. I appreciate these people very much and thank them for their support and hard work to ensure my son’s birth experience was as pleasant as possible.
Elizabeth Holland – The Person who set the Bar
Dr. Vaclavic – My Awesome OBGYN
Kelly – Absolutely Amazing
Corie – The Very Best Nurse I Ever Had
Welcoming Baby Home
When we first got home, the baby blues struck me hard. However, I couldn’t let it take hold of me for too long because everyone including Hubs had to get back to work and life. The family and friends came to visit and see the baby, but I wasn’t in the mood to parade Jaxyn around the city while I was still healing. I figured those that were able-bodied could get up and come see for themselves when they were ready. I needed time to get adjusted and get to know our little son, I wasn’t in a social mood… which is rare… but needed.
I decided to take my maternity leave and spend it offline. The time offline, not posting pictures or updates, not jumping up to go to any events or parties, gave me clarity. I needed to get my old “Self” back. Spending nine months pregnant, I didn’t feel like myself. I endured a painful and difficult pregnancy, with so many tests, complications, and worries. To finally reach the day where I could hold the beautiful big-eyed angel that caused all the ruckus, was both bittersweet. I was so glad to not be pregnant anymore, but now I have to be on call for this new child almost every 2 to 4 hours. Just because I’m a mother already, doesn’t mean I don’t get anxiety about doing a good job for the new baby. I was a mother to two sons, so now that we have three, I worried about being able to juggle it all with a new addition in the home. I needed to take some time to just focus on that, while I urged my body to heal up as quickly as I could.
I got phone calls and messages that I didn’t take, to focus on the new baby. I decided to not go out in exchange for more time to get our boys used to their new brother. I also refrained from my regular beauty and maintenance because I was feeling too down to care about what I looked like for over a month. It was the most “me” time, I’ve ever taken and I’m thankful for it. This may very well be the last time that we have another child, and I didn’t expect to want to spend this much time getting myself together. However, it didn’t feel right trying to throw myself into life like everything was the same when it actuality so much has changed in such a short time. I wanted to fully heal, both physically and mentally after this pregnancy and not regret it at all.
Why You Need To Go Offline to Enjoy Your Birth Experience
or after Your Pregnancy
The Insatiable Faux Friends/Family
For some reason, the people who you haven’t been dealing with at all, not even before the baby existed, want to know so much about your baby. They want to set their eyes on a child, that, to be honest, they probably could care less about. They just want to see. They want to see what the baby looks like, how you look, how you’re doing, what you have, and how everyone else responds to your new child. It’s not about love and compassion, but signifying. Since I don’t have space for faux friends/family, I decided to not entertain them. The spirit of discernment was in full effect, keeping squares out of my circle.
I don’t know one new mother who enjoys hearing asinine comments about her brand new baby. Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop people from making them. The best way to avoid that nuisance has been going offline. I don’t want to hear how a baby that is only a month old looks like this person or that person. I don’t want to hear a bunch of questions about my delivery, the baby’s size, or how I feed him or bathe him. It’s annoying, but people often don’t think about it when they do it. For some reason, people assume that by presenting your child for the public to see you’ve invited people to comment on your baby. That is not true!
After having a baby, healing is the most important thing to do. These were the wise words of everyone from the hospital staff to my friends and family. I would be of no use to anyone if I am not fully recovered. You can’t properly care for a newborn child if you aren’t at your best no matter how much experience you have. It was important that I focused on getting better, considering I didn’t just have a new baby but I also lots of blood, was cut open, fighting postpartum, and my body is trying to snap back after delivering my son. Often times we get wrapped up in the lives of others while we’re immersed in social media. We aren’t focused on where we are, but where we ought to be or want to be. Other times, you’re too busy updating everyone else, to fully enjoy the experience. I didn’t want to make either mistake, so I dedicated myself to just focusing on my family, our new baby, and getting back on my feet.
Overall, we are truly blessed to get to this day, meeting our new son, and having our family. This experience, although stressful and trying at times, was a beautiful one. I may have almost died and nothing was perfect from the day we found out we were expecting, I still feel the hand of God working throughout this time and I’m grateful. Jaxyn was born 6 lbs. 1oz, and at 5 weeks is now 8lbs 7 oz. He’s getting fat and he’s eating well. His “horns” are gone and He’s the cutest baby since Dash in 2012. I love him. I’m still balancing it all, and it will never truly be perfect, but I’m convinced with prayer and effort I will be ok. My son is beautiful and my family blessed. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
I just thank those that have been incredibly supportive and motivating during this time. I am certainly glad that I had my baby at St. Mary’s Hospital because yet again they provided me with a wonderful birthing experience and hospital stay. I thank my family and friends for their constant support and encouragement, even when I didn’t seem to want it. It’s so nice to know that my village has my back when I need it, and that is a God-given blessing in itself. It’s enough to make me keep having babies….
But I’m not crazy. LOL!